he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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