i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
