shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
