well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
