unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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