my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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