p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
