Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
