someone get that fucking seahorse.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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