apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
