Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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