Barsexuality is the new black.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
