Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
