you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
