I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
