Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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