it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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