At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize