I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Randomize
