I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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