He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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