Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
