I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
barbara walters just said penis...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
