sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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