dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Two words: blizzard sex
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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