You really coming over, don't trick.
it's like iHOP with fire
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
