So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
