The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
