P.S. I can't hear my feet
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
