god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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