I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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