She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize