??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
