Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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