Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I am mentally ready for anal.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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