just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
