please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
