I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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