hell yes lets make some ravioli
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
