Having a random hookup so left but love u
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
