Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
