He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
