The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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