Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
