I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
