Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
