I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
