And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize