He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize