What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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