Duck Duck Cougar?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
