So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There was a lot of him and a little penis
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
