I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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