i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
