He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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