I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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