this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
