Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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