I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Who died my cat blue again?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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