guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
