Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
