Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
