About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
