it's too hot outside to masturbate.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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