Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
