ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
