You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
