well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
