around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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