Your dad touched me again.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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