the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
