is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You're like the curious george of whores
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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