I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize