I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
MIDGETS
????
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
