She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
