just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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