I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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