I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i wish my penis had a tongue
only you would photoshop your dick
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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