Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize