If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it's great music for shaving your balls
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
