pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
