After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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