I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
