so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
