So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
