Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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