Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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