I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
