Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
