Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
