I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
