At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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