Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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