I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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