i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
stop calling my apartment porn island.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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