after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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