we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
