WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
