I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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