im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
