That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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