Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
