This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize