she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
