he shaved USA in his pubs
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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