I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
