last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize