Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
